Light

When I was eight years old, my best friend AB and I would sit at the piano and play and sing our own version of Debbie Boone’s “You Light Up My Life” – of course, to the applause of our parents. Twenty years later, my friends still light up my life.

I have had amazing experiences over the last week in that I’ve been able to spend time with friends I have known for a long time – some of whom I’ve kept in touch with regularly, some of whom I had not seen in nearly ten years (yes, I went on a vacation) – and I am so deeply grateful for these friendships. What I learned about myself through many of these discussions (AA, MB, KJ, CS, DW, et al) will inevitably come out in future journal entries.

Because what I see in the mirror is sometimes ugly and negative and dark. And that self-skewed image also sometimes keeps me from realizing the light that I know I can, should, could, do (whatever the verb may be), bring into others’ lives. The challenge that I personally face is to not let myself be consumed by the darkness and to instead recognize the brightness that is equally there, equally intoxicating, but perhaps much more frightening, and for me, much more intimidating. With no apologies, with no excuses, I have let the darkness take me over sometimes, randomly, or intentionally, but not inconsequentionally.

But the wisdom of my friends reminded me, albeit often inadvertently, that life can still be lived on the side of lightness amidst hardship. And the strength of my friends inspired me, again often inadvertently, to realize that I, too, can overcome the adversity and emotional pain that is part of life.

So over this past week I have been reinvigorated with new light, and I hope that I can - and I will try - to keep that light shining.

Tonight, AB came to my apartment and helped me change the light bulbs that hang from my ceiling. (I'm not tall enough to do it on my own.) So twenty years later, AB - thanks - "You Light Up My Life."